I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
