omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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