I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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