She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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