i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
