somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
