Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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