put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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