"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
