The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
