Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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