i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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