found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
