I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
