She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
