Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
