There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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