Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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