I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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