How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize