They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
