I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
