Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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