Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
