So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
