You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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