those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
