Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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