I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
