she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
