well you can't waste a boner
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
