I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
