when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
