Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
