Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
