She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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