i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
