I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
ugly people sure do ruin things
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Couch. On fire.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
