I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
