Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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