Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
