my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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