Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
