chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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