Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
