I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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