Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
