If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
