I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
