From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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