u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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