yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
