the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
