sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
