that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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