i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
