She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
