y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
