do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
