I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
