i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
