Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
