Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
