i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
