Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
