hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
