Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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