Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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