I'm lost and stupid without you.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
