today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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