I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
