Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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