Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
