sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
