His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
