NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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