I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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